原文全文如下:
. o& ]7 c+ I. ]( h5 m0 ]0 X 得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道,一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗帘,窥见园中大千世界,一片繁华,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其间,个个喜气洋洋。一霎时,一阵被人摒弃,为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头,禁不住痛哭起来。
I Y6 }+ n1 A. g9 J5 ~ 阅学生之译文,笔者发现有一个问题值得我们教师注意,即如何在动笔翻译前,能迅速正确地确定英译的主语。如:
' D6 ~5 u* ^9 K0 G4 R 1. 得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道。
$ B2 m) p: B; D5 L* z5 S 学生译文(以下简称“学译”):Before the illness, I was much petted by parents, doing everything at will in the home.+ I+ ~* v) L* e, |
学译:Before I became ill, I have received all the favor of my parents, just like a little tyrant at home." R$ `5 S m. f2 _, F7 ?
参考译文:Before I fell ill, I had been the bully under our roofs owing to my doting parents.1 p+ n0 @0 y4 X6 g. G) F8 H
我们知道,汉语表达大多为“意合”结构,结构松散,以一个一个看似并列的短句“拼凑而成,彼此逻辑关系不明显;但英语则不同于汉语,它是形合语言,非常讲究句子内部的逻辑关系的”外化“,所谓”外化“,即,使用Connectives来表现其逻辑关系。我国译界有一个着名比喻:汉语句子的结构像”竹竿“,是一节接一节的;而英语句子则像”葡萄“,主干很短,而”挂“在上面的附加成分则很多。可以说,汉译英的过程,是一个由”竹竿“向”葡萄“转换的过程。首先要确定”一节接一节“的汉语句子,选其中的哪一节为英句的”(葡萄)主干“。
& }5 t. A3 X- j* r! m, y7 E* |5 b 上面的汉语原句就含有一定的逻辑关系。“受父母宠爱”是因,而“在家中横行霸道”则是果。“果”应是全句的重心,英译上句,“(葡萄)主干”当选定“在家中横行霸道”而非学生译文所选的“我受父母宠爱”。' b9 X" g; r. Q k3 U g0 O
2. 一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。
: J$ _6 S2 {7 t9 F) ?1 z/ } 学译: When isolated and taken into custody in a small house on the hillside of our garden, I felt like I was abandoned, getting more and more depressed.
% J/ N8 p% b% W6 N- t 学译: As soon as I was kept apart in a small flat built on the hillside in the garden, I suddenly felt being consigned to limbo, gloomily and disappointedly.! L" y. \% s4 G
参考译文:Feeling like being deposed into a cold palace, I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration immediately after I was segregated and confined in a small house on a hillside in our garden.7 i9 P) I0 F. f+ d, c- ]
汉语原句有“四节”,哪一部分应该成为英句之“主干”?“我顿感打入冷宫”,还是“十分郁郁不得志起来”?学译都把“我顿感打入冷宫”处理为“主干”,而参考译文则反其道而行之。细细分析,“十分郁郁不得志起来”和“我顿感打入冷宫”,两者也有主次关系。显然,“十分郁郁不得志起来”为主,“我顿感打入冷宫”为次。两者之间,不仅存在时间先后的顺序,而且还存在着逻辑上的“因果”。因此,参考译文处理得当。另一个值得参考之处在于:“主干” (I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration)的前后均有附加成分,句子显出“平衡美”。 |