2011年商务英语辅导：考试课堂答疑精选(8)

会计考友 · 发表于 2012-8-14 19:12:39

　　1.问题：老师，您好，以下是我的两篇习作，恳请老师批改谢谢！
　　The Managing Director of your company or organization has announced that reports on performance are to be produced are by all departments ,Your head of department has ask you to produce about your department for the managing director.
　　Write the report for the Managing Director ,explaining:
　　What aspects of your department function most effectively
　　Which aspect is most in need of improvement
　　How this improvement could be achieved.
　　Report on performance of marketing department
　　Introduction
　　This report sets out to give a general introduction of the performance of marketing department in the first season in 2009.
　　Findings
　　The following points summarise the key findings
　　Well functioned aspects
　　1. We have produced a new series of TV commercial which was warmly welcomed among our target consumers. The effect of our methods is striking.The soaring turnover of this season proved the correctness of our strategy.
　　2．  A market investigation was conducted in January. The findings reveals new fad and fashion among consumers.Thus we can keep abreast of the latest trend of our market.According to these findings,a number of constructive suggestions were brought forward.They were expected to be favorable in our future marketing plans.
　　The lower-performance aspects
　　1.    We got a total of 50 staff. As a matter of fact ,only half of them function well at their post.Our department is suffering from low efficient .
　　2.    Our methods of promotion was unidimensional .This year too much weight were gained to commercials ,we seemed to ignore other methods of promotion. Too little money was injected in other sales promotion activities.
　　Recommendations
　　According to the current circumstances of our department,it is advisable to do these improvements
　　1.    Introducing a new set of system to optimize our exsiting managing structure.
　　2.    Holding  training sessions and taking motivational practice to boost staff’s efficient and morale.
　　3.    Collecting suggestions and ideas about our work ,and give volunteers bonus.Therefore we are able to have more ideas in store to diversify our ways of working
　　Jane
　　Marketing Department
　　You work for an employment agency. The following is part of the letter you have received from a customer:
　　The temporary administrative assistant you sent to us was totally unacceptable. I certainly will not be using your agency again when I need temporary staff,
　　Write a letter to the customer:
　　Apologizing for having sent the unsatisfactory temporary worker
　　Giving reasons for what happened
　　Explaining why what happened was exceptional
　　Offering some sort of compensation to the customer.
　　Dear Mr.Lee,
　　Thanks for your letter dated Sept. 30th,complaining about the temporary assistant we sent to you.I wish to offer sincere apologise for the loss we imposed on you .
　　It was all our fault.You said you wanted to employ an administrative assistant.but our employee typed in the wrong imformation ,Your requirement was mistaken as an law assistant.That is the reason we sent a wrong person to you.
　　Our company has been established for more than 10 years .We have successfully done thousands of cases like this and received good reputation in this sector. I can assure you that it was absolutely an exceptional which had never happened in our company.And no similar mistake will be made in the future .The employee who involved in the accident has already been punnished.Our operational system is planning to be optimized.The chance of  the similar accidentis bound to be reduced considerable.
　　I am terribly sorry for all the inconvenience.We deserve a refund on our unsatisfied service.The money will be deposited in your account instantly.If you do not satisfied with the compensation. Please contact us and demonstrate your thought toward this.

会计考友 · 发表于 2012-8-14 19:12:40

　　We look forward to developing further cooperation with you.
　　Yours sincerely
　　Jean Cox
　　回答：Report on performance of marketing department
　　Introduction
　　This report sets out to give a general introduction of the performance of marketing department in the first season(用词不当，应该使用quarter) in 2009.
　　Findings
　　The following points summarise the key findings
　　Well functioned aspects
　　1. We have produced a new series of TV commercial(用commercials) which was warmly welcomed among by our target consumers. The effect of our methods is striking good.The soaring turnover of this season (quarter) proved the correctness (汉语思路写作)of our strategy. 可考虑改为：proved that our strategy really worked.
　　2． A market investigation was conducted in January. The findings reveals new fad and fashion among consumers.Thus we can keep abreast of the latest trend of our market. According to these findings,a number of constructive suggestions were brought forward (collected).They were expected to be favorable in our future marketing plans. 改为：It is expected to be useful in our future marketing plans.
　　The lower-performance aspects（Underperformance aspects）
　　1. We got a total of 50 staff. As a matter of fact ,only half of them function well at their post.Our department is suffering from low efficient .(low effeciency 用名词)
　　2. Our methods of promotion was unidimensional .This year too much weight were gained to commercials 修改为This year, commercials were given too much weight. we seemed to ignore other methods of promotion. Too little money was injected in other sales promotion activities.
　　Recommendations
　　According to the current circumstances of our department,it is advisable to do these improvements
　　1. Introducing a new set of system to optimize our exsiting managing structure.
　　2. Holding training sessions and taking motivational practice to boost staff’s efficient (effeciency) and morale.
　　3. Collecting suggestions and ideas about our work ,and give (giving) volunteers bonus.Therefore we are able to have more ideas in store to diversify our ways of working
　　这段话应该用完整句，或者用名词形式完成。最好不用分词结构。
　　Jane
　　Marketing Department
　　点评：整篇文章的商务思路和语言问题不大。但是我感觉，离该类作文的满分20分还有差距，我会给你16分。也就是你还有一个档位要努力。
　　Dear Mr.Lee,
　　Thanks for your letter dated Sept. 不用缩写30th,complaining about the temporary assistant we sent to you.I wish to offer sincere apologise（offer 后面用名词，所以应该写成apologies） for the loss we imposed on you .
　　It was all our fault.You said you wanted to employ an administrative assistant.but our employee typed in the wrong imformation ,Your requirement was mistaken as an law assistant. (这个理由没有表述清楚，你的意思恐怕是：Our staff mixed your requirements with another company which asked a law assistant from us. ) That is the reason we sent a wrong person to you.
　　Our company has been established for more than 10 years .We have successfully done thousands of cases like this and received good reputation in this sector. I can assure you that it was absolutely an exceptional 缺名词（as exceptional one或者写成it was absolutely exceptional）which had never happened in our company.And no similar mistake will be made in the future .The employee who was involved in the accident has already been punnished拼写.Our operational system is planning to be optimized.The chance of the similar accidentis is bound to be reduced considerable. （be bound to）
　　I am terribly sorry for all the inconvenience.We deserve a refund on our unsatisfied ( 这个单词修饰人 )(unsatisfactory) service.The money will be deposited in your account instantly.If you do not （are not）satisfied with the compensation.用逗号P（小写）lease contact us and demonstrate 用词不当your thought toward this. 后半句可以不写
　　We look forward to developing further cooperation with you.
　　Yours sincerely
　　Jean Cox
　　从这篇文章看，和上一篇的能力表现相当。离英语流利表达还尚需时日。不过应付考试，如果听力和口语问题不大的话，通过考试并不难。只是我很希望，在你感兴趣的情况下，可以将英语掌握的更加如火纯青些，岂不更好。
　　2.问题：您好,老师
　　There's an infection going around the office so a lot of staff are off ill.
　　这句话怎么立即,特别是off ill, 为什么不是staff are off for ill, 总觉得off ill 语法上不对.
　　回答：这句话的理解是：
　　办公室现在正有传染病流行，所以很多员工都都请了病假。我觉得如果说成是staff are off for ill，反而是有语法错误，因为ill是形容词。如果按照你的思路说，应该说成是：staff are off for illness. 所以原句完全可以理解。</p>

		自动登录	找回密码
密码			立即注册

[综合辅导] 2011年商务英语辅导：考试课堂答疑精选(8)

2011年商务英语辅导：考试课堂答疑精选(8)