TOEFL Writing（2）

会计考友

　　II. Editorial Comments
- y3 A2 S& _% @& x　　编者点评
　　1. Original： Furthermore，  transportation keeps everything going easily. Revised： Furthermore， transportation keeps everything running smoothly.
　　英语中没有 “going easily” 这种说法。这里作者要表达的意思是“事情进展的比较顺利”，我们可以用 “running smoothly”。请看以下两个例子：
　　＊ Although the car crashed just last week， the mechanic was able to fix it quickly and now it is running smoothly.
; B/ n5 {8 p- q3 V- v+ l+ |$ G　　＊ Although we made some measurement mistakes in our first science experiment， our second one is running smoothly.
　　2. Original： Building a shopping center near where we live may have lots of existent and potential advantages. They go as follows.
* S+ U( }& R0 \, J0 ]& e3 V　　Revised： Building a shopping center where we live has a lot of potential advantages， such as the following.
　　为了逻辑通顺和语言联贯，由such as 或者 as follows引导的所要列举的一系列事情，应当作为整行句子的一部分，不可以分开为两个句子。以下是几种常用的表示列举的结构：
/ d9 G. J' l( v2 Y　　＊ After we moved into our new apartment，  I had to buy many new household goods， such as the following： toilet paper， cooking utensils， cleaning supplies， etc.
　　＊ I am in full support of the new legislation for the following reasons.
　　＊ My reasons for studying abroad are as follows.
　　＊ My objections to your decision are listed below.
　　3. Original： If it is up to me to decide whether a shopping center should be built near my apartment， I prefer to build it. Revised： If it were up to me to decide whether or not to build a shopping center near my apartment， I would decide to build it.
* U+ D% q0 G. q* d, K+ o　　请注意，在这里由if引导的从句要用虚拟语气，表示与事实相反的动作或状态。例如：
　　If I were a magician， I would not need to study in order to get a perfect score on the TOEFL.
　　通常在“if”、“as if ”、 “as though”、 “lest”、“unless”、 “except”、“until”等等引导的从句中，也要用虚拟语态。例如：
8 z: g# M9 j& J$ `　　If there were no honey， the flowers and the bees would have never met.