He came to like to feel the white handles in his grasp, to walk between the two white-rimmed metal wheels. And he grew almost more familiar with the slight wave at the back of her hair than with her eyes or her mouth. Once, he said to the wave at the back of her hair, "I hope I'm the only chair-pusher in your life," but she had only smiled a little and her eyes had admitted nothing.
' w6 a. q, r3 q. G" X; V! i他开始喜欢把轮椅的白色手柄握在手里的感觉,喜欢在那两只镶有白边的金属轮子中间推车行走。他对她披在身后的、微微起伏的长发愈加熟悉,几乎超过了对她的眼睛和嘴唇的熟悉程度。有一次,他对着她波浪一般起伏的长发说:“真希望我是你生命中惟一为你推轮椅的人。”但她只是莞尔一笑,眼里没有任何表示。! R, ^1 E& Y% \$ L% \
She cooked dinner for him once in June. He expected her to be proud of her ability to do everything from her seat in the wheelchair—and was faintly disappointed to see that she would not feel pride at what was, for her, simply a matter of course. He watched his own hand pick up the salt shaker and place it on one of the higher unused shelves, and awaited her plea for assistance. He didn't know why he'd done it, but the look in her eyes made him realize how cruel his prank was. To make her forget what he'd done, he told her about the little white bird in the park.
2 |8 e) x! ^! t( D6月里,她曾为他烧过一顿晚餐。她坐在轮椅上样样事情都能做,他以为她会为此而自豪的,但她仅仅把这视为一件理所当然的事,并无自豪感可言。发现这一点后,他不免有些怅然若失。他望着自己的手拿起盐瓶,把它放到一块较高的、不常用的碗柜搁板上,然后等着她请求帮助。他不明白自己为什么要这样做,但她的眼神让他意识到,他的恶作剧有多么残酷。为了让她忘掉他刚才的蠢行,他跟她谈起了公园里的那只小白鸟。
- T! f# _. H4 U$ B. X! x/ |% F"I've seen it, too," she said. "I read a poem once about a little white bird that came to rest on a windowsill and the lady who lived in the house began to put out food for it. Soon the lady fell in love, but it was a mismatched love. Every day the little bird came to the window and the lady put out food. When the love affair was over, the little white bird never returned, but the woman went on putting out the crumbs every day for years and the wind just blew them away."( _9 O$ {8 \3 }6 ]. Z: o1 g6 h6 W
“我也看见了,”她说。“我曾经读过一首诗,诗中的小白鸟经常飞来栖息在一户人家的窗台上,女主人开始拿出食物喂它。很快,女主人便爱上了这只鸟儿,可这场爱恋并不般配。小鸟每天飞到窗前,女主人便每天捧出食物。恋情结束之后,小白鸟一去不返,可女主人连着几年日复一日地把面包屑放到窗台上,任风把它们吹走。”2 h, p0 z% O9 Q2 e
In July he took her boating frequently. The most awkward event, she felt, was getting in and out of the boat. For Charles, however, these "freight handlings," as she came to call it, seemed to be the highlight of the outings. In the boat she felt helpless, unable to move around, sitting in one spot. Also, she was unable to swim, should the boat turn over. Charles didn't observe her discomfort; she did note how much he enjoyed being in control. When he called for her one day in early August, she refused to.( G4 T7 T/ X7 `* G" Q
7月里,他时常带她去划船。最令她感到不自在的是只能由查尔斯把她抱上抱下,她称之为“货物装卸”。但对查尔斯而言,那样的时刻仿佛就是他们户外活动的最精彩部分。她在船上感到很无助,只能坐在一个地方,没法四处活动。而且如果翻船,她可不会游泳。查尔斯对她的不安不予体察。她却发现了他是多么喜欢控制别人。8月初的一天,他来喊她去划船,她说什么也不肯去。
8 `9 T$ W# d+ SThey would, instead, she said, go for a walk in which she would move herself by the strength of her own arms and he would walk beside her.
* S+ t5 ^( l/ r- W8 p Q她建议他们不妨出去散散步,这样她可以凭自己的臂力推动自己,他则可以走在她身边。! D5 H- d N; Z: G6 ~/ u
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"Why don't you just rest your arms and let me push you?" |