名师点评网友BEC初级作文(3)

会计考友

　　本期作文题目：
　　You are a manager at an auditors called Golding & Co. Your company has just merged with a competitor to become MasonGolding. You have been asked to inform stafff of the change of name.
　　Write a memo of 40-50 words:
　　informing staff of the new name.
6 D: v) S" @4 U# M) f　　telling them when to start using the new name.
9 H) {4 o3 V/ @8 }. t　　asking staff to use only the new name after that time.
; }) Z' g0 [: K/ W3 ]　　样本 Sample writing (46 words)
　　TO: All staff
　　From: Mr. Port
) g, G- e9 L: z* W( J' a　　I would like to inform you that, following the recent merger with Mason and Son, the new name for our company will be MasonGolding. This name becomes official on 12th, Nov.2008. Please note that from this time, the new company name only should be used.
　　Thank you.
9 C5 x5 x7 I, X- c　　网友作文一：
) C" E: e6 s- h! _　　TO: ALL STAFF
　　FROM: MANAGER
# ?6 s4 \5 w/ p' `0 a$ o5 J. n　　SUBJECT: CHANGE THE COMPANY NAME
' w* R5 D3 N$ C* A0 q7 A( e) |1 N　　As you know, (our company has merged last week)[1]. We decide to change the name. [2] From July. 8th the company name changes to MasonGolding.
Please pay attention to use the new name for[3] instead when you have a meeting with client. [4]
　　Thank you
$ t# y& n' Z2 {6 K( N& U　　名师点评：
　　[1]这句话明显是中文的痕迹，译成中文，中国人可以理解，外国人肯定不能。
　　[2]既然并购就意味着要换公司的名字，怎么是we decide?在商务英语的写作中，主语一般都选择客体代词，避免应用主观性很强的句子。
* t3 S$ k& R; H　　[3]Instead 可以直接放在句尾，不用介词。
0 C+ O: N* a, |* ?  W$ |* Z　　[4]这个范围也太有限了，难道只有和客户见面才用新名称么?整句改为：please use the new name officially from then.
/ Y9 v4 f% H! l8 l/ y" F　　网友作文二：
　　From: P.Jones
　　To: all the staff
! g5 W" O8 m5 Z1 _. M　　Date: 9/21/2008
　　Subject: the company name
3 f' c  W5 A' p+ N- v' ^5 a  }* a　　As our company has just merged with a compatitor[1] to become MasonGolding.We decieded to [2]start using the new name next week[3].Please using[4] the new name next week.If you have any promble,you can come to my office.[5]
0 f7 H" r7 z; z% _* d. d　　Thank you!
9 Y& T" Y+ p- L( u3 j, e　　名师点评：
　　[1]这个就不要提了吧，并购成了一家人，没必要在公司内部的memo中有意提醒。
( M" A1 j% N( N/ ~# H/ j0 _4 M　　[2]既然并购就意味着要换公司的名字，怎么是we decide?在商务英语的写作中，主语一般都选择客体代词，避免应用主观性很强的句子。
　　[3]没有具体日期，你让员工们从什么时候开始用这个新名字?
　　[4]Use
　　[5]去掉，这句话是用在信件结尾的，而且，也不能说come to my office. 公司并购，换新名称，理所应当的，去你的办公室做什么?