</p> I work in an assembly line in a car factory. Most days, I just assemble car parts. Occasionally, they’ll ask me to assay an unknown drugs substance. Once in a while, I’ll be asked to assist with breaking up a fight. Assault is not common here. But now and then, a frustrated worker will assail his assistant by casting aspersions on some aspect of the other’s work. I’m considered an asset in my company. But before 20 years ago, I was a different kind of asset to an entirely different type of company.
! U0 `4 l+ r: M They called it “the company” but it was really a secret government group trained to assassinate political leaders. I never aspired to be an assassin. In fact, I was an aspiring chemist and a regular soldier in the army. All I really wanted was to do something great or important for my country. But sometimes, having too great an aspiration can lead you astray.
4 {/ T3 A O9 Q! W5 Z7 D+ P. i I still recall the day of the assembly. It was a small gathering of highly skills people like me. “The company” was assessing our abilities in the areas of weaponry and chemistry. I was a top chemist and a natural marksman, probably the best in my group. They ascribed my success to my steady hands and sharp eyes, the same tools I used for chemistry.6 ] e! H, F( \5 B/ `
After the assembly, they gave us our assignments. I was assigned to assimilate into the mainstream society of a Latin American country. It wasn’t long before I was doing things that I will forever be ashamed to admit.& z. D2 j& @* I
It’s been over for about 15 years. But I’ll never feel clean and I’ll never be able to assert that I have been a good man all my life.
" Q9 K- G$ C% ~( }( {, A; h3 _2 m 我在一家汽车厂的流水线上工作。大多数时候,我只是组装汽车配件。有时,他们会让我化验某种不明药物。有时,我又去帮忙劝架。这里很少有人身攻击。不过,时不时会有一名灰心丧气的工人抨击他的助手,就其工作的某方面进行诽谤。我被视为公司的宝贝。但20年前,我被另一家完全不同的公司视为另一种类型的宝贝。 V, d5 t$ H# m3 V# g3 x
' h+ z3 ?* L# z 他们所谓的“公司”实际上是一个受过训练、专门暗杀政界领导人的秘密政府组织。我从未渴望做个刺客。事实上,我是个有抱负的化学家,又是部队中的一名常备兵。我的全部思想就是成就大事、为国效力。但有时,理想过于远大只会将你引入歧途。
0 P! [+ M$ z; e$ Q 我仍记得那天的集会。那是个小集会,与会者都是些像我这样的技术精湛的人员。当时“公司”评估我们在武器和化学领域的才能。我既是最优秀的化学家,又是天生的神枪手,很可能是我们小组中最棒的。他们将我的成功归于我稳健的双手和敏锐的眼睛,这也是我搞化学时用的工具。
( N8 O4 R+ K- |7 `7 T: t5 J; m8 Y9 e 会后,“公司”给我们下达了任务。我的任务是渗透进入一个拉美国家的主流社会。不久,我就开始做些我永远耻于承认的事情。& u O" z. j% z( O1 s8 Y6 W& I
这一切已经过去15年了。但我将永远感到自己的肮脏,永远无法斩钉截铁地说我做了一辈子的好人。 |