</p> 5. Original: I really believe that smoking is harmful to people‘s health.0 s/ {( E4 [7 ?. ]6 u/ m
Revised: I have a profound conviction that smoking is harmful to people‘s health.+ F1 M4 _ y; C' c6 o, h. i
亮点评析7 L* A. C' |# O$ D* R9 f- r
conviction的意思是“坚定的看法或信仰”,have a profound conclusion表示对某种看法深信不疑,作文中提出观点的句子用have a profound conclusion会比用believe态度更坚决,立场更鲜明,而且believe这个词非常简单,是英语初学者就应掌握的词汇,换成have a profound conclusion立即增加了句子的复杂程度,体现了较强的语言运用能力。类似的提出观点的表达还有:
) n) m5 Z, _5 ^: y# K. h I hold a point of view that…# I' U8 ^3 {6 @ U& k. b
I hold the opinion that…+ z& ~: H) \: K/ q; s+ [
6.Original: We know that sometimes success is measured by how much money you earn.
6 }) ]. {2 {$ J/ G" m9 v Revised: It does not surprise us to discover that sometimes success is measured in terms of the money you earn.
% `, k2 x4 v" i- |% d0 z 亮点评析4 V5 H! x& M( o/ N; `, M9 J" z; h5 W
如上句的believe一样,know也是非常初级的词汇,作文中出现I believe that…,I know that…这样的表达只能体现考生写作技巧的稚嫩,用It does not surprise us to discover that…替换We know that…并没有改变原句的含义,却使全句顿时增添了亮点。
t" i) D. n$ }, {/ } 7.Original: We all know that most factories would be of no use if there were not clean water supply.
- ` I7 Z1 P6 I5 R- {) H' [ Revised: It goes without saying that most factories would be of no use if there were not clean water supply.( J$ Q% N9 o8 A3 x, L! h( r2 ~
亮点评析
" U- } ?* T- f0 x 同上例一样,know这样的初级词汇应避免在作文中使用,It goes without saying that…是一个固定结构,意思是“……是不言而喻的”,常在作文中用来引经据典或表明一个尽人皆知的道理,类似的表达还有:
: {! J- E5 I3 X& k An old saying goes that…
- j* `( c9 p; f Proverb goes that…
2 _8 Z8 p* P6 l1 d( \ It is universally acknowledged that…
1 v8 g, w$ b: m- m. J, Q It is generally accepted that…
& v8 t0 [4 L4 c T 8.Original: Some other people think that people should read extensively.
9 I5 h4 r- o* ~- V5 \3 |5 C Revised: Another position says that people should read extensively.
: v, S) u3 ^/ W) [! M3 [# H" { 亮点评析
% s% n' D$ | [, S/ L 同know,believe一样,think也应该尽量避免使用,修改后的句子中是用Another position says that…代替think提出另一种观点,也可以用hold a point of view,hold the opinion这样的短语替换。; a( M8 v/ B2 [( b7 a. ^+ x
9. Original: The unexpected win of the match give us confidence. m5 y) R- x) L( Z/ Z& n
Revised: The unexpected win of the match boost our confidence.* L2 h, G! n2 g" |, C5 F J6 {
亮点评析9 @5 o3 s. S3 A1 K9 ~, w3 z
give也属于英语中最初级、最基本的词汇,只表示“给,给予”这个动作,不涉及动作的性质和状态,若表示增添信心,增强士气,比较地道的说法是用boost confidence/morale,如:The change of management has boosted morale throughout the company. 管理模式的改变使整个公司上下士气倍受鼓舞。1 v" j" t7 A( F: b, U
10.Original: The use of drugs has increased greatly in the last ten years. h5 W q: s i0 G
Revised: The use of drugs has increased significantly in the last ten years.6 y" n" Q( F/ e! n
亮点评析
7 @& G/ d' p }* f9 p- z& ` greatly是一般用语,表示程度高,“很,非常”,使用相当普遍而没有新意,在写作中应尽量避免使用这些通俗而又陈旧的词汇,应换用一些更加正式,更有说服力的词语,例如significantly表示达到了非常重要的或可观的程度,“重大的,可观的”,能够具体说明药品使用方面,增长幅度巨大。significantly还可以替换成considerably,tremendously等,同样具有不错的表达效果。 |