GRE考试：issue官方范文(一)4

会计考友

　This trend is not likely to cease.  
　　In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion.

8 T( z. w  q" v$ N! d9 f　　The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and the difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.

　　评价

$ p/ q  M+ V$ R9 c* `　　This strong response analyzes the complexities of the issue.
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　　In disagreeing with the prompt, the writer makes a distinction between two types of loneliness -- loneliness caused by "the absence of??? physical contact" and loneliness brought about by a lack of "intellectual contact" with others.
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　　The essay reasons that while "the automobile and other transportation mechanisms" originally kept passengers physically and intellectually isolated from one another, modern technology, such as the cellular telephone and laptop computer, has made intellectual contact "faster and easier" and has benefited users by allowing them to communicate with "a larger number of people."
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  ^; X) e2 N1 G7 v2 e8 v  l1 ]" I! W　　The response provides clear and relevant examples of the ways in which technological developments facilitate and encourage intellectual communication.

2 T& q6 B* C: N　　The writer examines the impact of user-friendly Internet access on the individual's ability to interact with others even when physical distance separates the communicating parties.

　　The organization is clear, yet transitions between paragraphs are not always smooth.
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　　The body of the essay lacks the focus that would help move it to a score of 6.

　　It is not always clear how the information given relates to the essay's initial position (e.g., the discussion of current prices for personal computers in paragraph five).
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　　The conclusion, while clearly relevant, attempts to impose order on the somewhat loosely connected paragraphs, yet fails to add substance to the analysis.
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* h* O/ q6 N+ D7 L" U! Z　　On the whole, the essay displays clarity and control, but the language is sometimes imprecise and less tightly controlled than it would be in a 6 essay.

　　The following sentence is one such example: "The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices."